Unlocking Yourself : Your Relationship With Yourself

Mihika Kumar

Imagine being in a relationship, any kind of relationship, with someone you didn’t love.

Imagine thinking that this person is worthless, and flawed in every manner.  What’s the point of such a relationship? You’re getting nothing from it except negativity and pessimism. Now think of the relationship you have with yourself. When you reflect on your relationship with yourself, what do you feel? Is this, and the previous scenario the same? Somewhat similar? That’s what most people would say. If not, I am so proud of you. Keep going, you got this! If you’re part of the majority who don’t have a healthy relationship with themselves, it doesn’t have to be this way.


Notice how I said ‘healthy relationship’, rather than ‘good relationship’? A good relationship, by the definition, would mean that everything is perfect, everything is a smooth ride. Life, as we all know it, does not work that way. A healthy relationship involves ups and downs and working through them. It doesn’t mean that there are no bad days, like any relationship. Part of being healthy in life is facing emotions, as tender as they are, and working through them. Having a healthy relationship with yourself means accepting yourself as you are-no matter your flaws, no matter your imperfections. Here we dive into the cliché topic- self-love.


Is self-love selfish? 

When we think about people who “love themselves,” we tend to think about overly confident, narcissistic, egoistic people, who couldn’t care less about anyone else. Self-love and ego are not the same. Self-love is self-acceptance, and knowing your worth, with the ability to accept mistakes, and showing empathy towards others. Being egoistic is admiration for oneself, without the ability to accept flaws. Egoism is not healthy, self-love is.


Why is self-love important? 

We’re surrounded by people, posters, and social media that tell us to love ourselves, to be confident in who we are, and that we shouldn’t care about other people’s opinions. Yes, they’re right. But what they don’t tell you on the surface how deep the topic really is. It isn’t just yoga, meditation, and journals. It isn’t happiness 24/7, being confident all the time, and perfect life. It isn’t life falling into place all of a sudden when you wake up one morning. Life gets better, but that doesn’t mean there are no rough patches. Think about it like this: self-love correlates to self-acceptance. If you don’t accept yourself for who you are, stand up for what you want, say no to what you don’t; who will? You are living this life for yourself. The bottom line is that it’s important because you are the only person who will always be there for you. It’s a tool that can help you live a happier life. It’s important because you can’t cherish the things and people around you completely if you don’t cherish yourself. It’s important because you cannot rely on external sources of happiness and love forever. 


Self-love is self-respect. Respect your likes, your dislikes, your choices, your emotions. It all goes back to the healthy relationship that you want with yourself. Through the bad days, are you there for yourself? Through the good days, do you congratulate yourself? Through situations that make you uncomfortable, do you put yourself first? Self-love isn’t easy. It isn’t simply taking a few days off, and leaving it at that. It’s a journey, one that may take an entire lifetime, one that will be scary at times and one that may feel pointless at times, but like everything else, it is a process, each step is an achievement. I’m not saying that you have to put in all your time and effort into this, I know you have other things to do. The best part of this journey, as I’ve experienced, is that little steps really go a long way. In fact, little steps are the way in this journey. You deserve to unlock all the potential in you and to know your worth. You deserve the love and attention it will bring. I promise.